Kunzite = Personal Happiness
As you may have noticed by my photos – Kunzite has been calling me.
I grew up with Martyrdom, self sacrifice and a belief that somewhere in the future things would get better, that I would have love, happiness, freedom and ultimately peace.
Well, life gives you what you believe and of course 30 years later, in my mind at least, most of those things still elude me.
While sitting with my beloved, bubble gum coloured beauty, and admiring its magical ability to be white then clear then bubble gum coloured all by the rotation of my hand and its reflection of light… I pondered my life and what I need to do next.
There are so many things I could do – none of which will bring me any joy, more of a means to an end, anything I want to do I figure it doesn’t feed my family so it goes on the back burner… so filled with the mundane aspects of life that carry no inspiring juju for me at all and send me into a downward spiral
And I got this message:
“Only do things because they make you happy
To do things for another reason – always has consequences that are not happy.”
And as I heard those words I thought “Shiznig… I do everything for other reasons; no wonder I am always unhappy!”
- How many times do I do things because my kids want something that I know is only going to last 5mins before it breaks… and still I do it?
- How many times do I say yes – when I want to say no… because I don’t want others to be upset, miss out or feel I don’t care?
- How many times do I commit to things purely for financial purposes, only to have them take up so much more of my time they become burdensome?
- How many times do I clean the house, when really I want to paint or draw or sit in the sunshine and do nothing – just for fun?
- How many times do I say no to fun, because I have more serious things to attend to?
And then, its dawns on me – no wonder I am not happy?!
Kunzite – my trusted advisor… revealed to me all the bazillion places I do the exact opposite of what I truly want to do – and I often disguise it as be honourable, noble helpful or some other altruistic virtue that should make me feel better about doing it, but doesn’t in the end.
Then I got another message…
“All my troubles come from meaning”.
And I thought about this; “meaning?” what does that even mean?
Then I got an insight into something that ‘means’ something to me, but doesn’t mean anything to my husband or kids. So it has no impact on their world, but mine suffers because I have decided that X means Y.
Each meaning = attachment. Which can be good or bad… but when there is suffering it is because of meaning.
So I did a little digging and of course I found this to be true for me.
I believe if there is noise that wakes you from sleep it means you are not respected or not loved. Crazy I know, but it comes with a weird story of association that plays out in my life everyday without me even thinking about it.
When I was small, my father would always have migraines. He was so afflicted that he could have no light or noise, he would vomit and be in bed for 3 days at a time with it.
I could not make any noise while he was like this as it was magnified in his head times a billion, I guess. Any disrespect on my part = a rage being thrown my way. And somehow even though this was not my story – it became mine, by default.
Did my mother get it? Did my sister? No – just me… why? Because I made it mean something about me, and the world and how things are…
Truth is – none of it means anything.
I held Kunzite close and breathed it in, I could hear “You are loved”.
As I let these words sink (sync) in, I found myself repeating “I am loved”.
I had a lump in my throat and the energy pulsated in waves through my being. With each spin I became more aligned, more centred in the truth that ‘I am loved’. Each spin allowed me to say it with more conviction, as if I, indeed, owned the statement as my own.
It was becoming a truth; that had structure and form within my being. And as it became more solid the old meanings disintegrated.
And from this new space within me I got so bold as to ask:
“Show me how loved I really am”
And what comes from this is a treasure I implore you to find out for yourself. Your life may never look the same.
Kunzite blessings to you